I'm surviving...

...and still smiling!

Every day I count my blessings, all 6 (the husband counts too right?) of them.  The days of doubting myself as a mom or thinking there was no way I could handle twins are over.  I actually enjoy it. Shocker!  It was only a few short months ago that I was crying, having a pity party and wishing everything would just stay the same. Thank you God for knowing that I could handle it and that I would grow tremendously as a wife and mother by going through the difficult process.  He knew.  He always does yet I fight Him and doubt Him every chance that I can get.  He doesn't make mistakes. One day I will figure that out and surrender.  I'll trust.  Life would be so much more enjoyable and calm if I would get out of my own way and allow God to lead me.  It's not rocket science but still so hard to do.

The babies are growing every day as expected.  They look more and more alike each day and yes, we get them mixed up if we aren't looking closely.  They are sweet, snugly and calm most of the time. Each brother has started trying to hit toys on the play mat, smile and Luke has given us his first laugh.  The little milestones are always fun and exciting to experience with them, no matter how many times I get to witness them.  It is a privilege to be with them each day so that I can see their little smiles.

I love it when people say, "Your hands are full!"  They are!  They get held all of the time, they hug all of the time and I get the amazing opportunity to love BIG all of the time.  Having a large family isn't a burden, it is a tremendous blessing.  I'm figuring that out more and more each day.

Check out how full my hands (and heart) are!  I love these kiddos so very much.

Happy Birthday Twins!

My sweet, perfect baby blessings are here!   They have actually been here since March 19th to be exact but I'm just now starting to get my head above water enough to gather some thoughts.

I can't post about twins without some photos of the little buddies so feast on this...

3 days old

3 days old - our little country stars

Twin birth:

Not half bad!  I was terrified of having a c-section because after having three the "natural" way, I didn't know what to expect, and I'm a big wuss.  I got my sleep deprived self up at the crack of dawn, had a few fear cries and packed up for the hospital.  I was met at the door to the L&D wing by my favorite nurse in the world!  Sweet Mrs. Sydney has been with me for each of my births in some capacity.  We bonded because of my not so great delivery of my first born.  Let's just say she gets a Christmas card every year.  So, having her meet me there with arms outstretched, literally jumping up and down with excitement for us, made me much more comfortable.  Then one by one, another special doctor would come into the room.  The Doctors we have chosen have all been encouraging and there for me throughout many years of pregnancies and pediatric care.  Mrs. Sydney stayed with me even though she is a night nurse and was already off of work.  Our pediatrician was off that day but came anyway because she said these were "her Jackson twins."  My OB/GYN had already determined that no one else was doing the delivery other than her.  The list goes on and on. With each hug, I melted.  The good Lord was showing me, through the people he sent to be with me, that He was there, He was taking care of me, and He was answering prayers.  I knew it was going to be alright.

What is my advice for those having a c-section?  Enjoy the pain pump.  It will be your VBFF.  Do not wallow in the pain but get yourself up and stand straight up even though you will want to stay bent at the waist.  Most importantly, don't eat a cup full of orange jello right after surgery even though you are starving!  It isn't pretty.


Life with twins:

Hmm....  Exciting, daunting, precious, exhausting, special, difficult and everything in between.  I just put one foot in front of the other and just as it is when I had one child, I just figure it out, one parenting step at a time.  Much more on this later but I have a crying baby to tend to now.  With five kiddos, someone is ALWAYS crying.  Always.

Twas the Night Before Labor...

...and all through the house, Mommy was panicked and Daddy was quiet as a mouse.

Oh glory.  Tomorrow morning, I will wake up, shower, get dressed, hope in the mini and head the hospital, all while quietly panicking inside.  This isn't my first trip to the rodeo.  This is my fourth labor & delivery but each one has had its own set of circumstances that seem to make it scary rather than exciting for me.  Maybe it's that "Debbie Downer" thing I'm so good at or maybe I'm just normal.  I'd like to think I'm normal.  At 8:30am cst, I'm going to be in an operating room.  I've never had a c-section before but with twins, it seems to be the safest and more controlled environment for them.  I've gotten a lot of great advice and I'm trying to stay calm but let's face it.  A Dr. (and mine is awesome) will be cutting through my gut.  How on God's green earth am I supposed to not have anxiety about that one?  Yikes!  Is it wrong or just plain sad that I'm so wrapped up in that one fact that I haven't even worried about the babies health?  I really don't get a bad feeling about the baby boys.  Each doctor has been extremely happy with their growth and development.  Of course, anything is possible but so far, so good.

The three big kids have been packed up and shipped off to their Nana's house.  We tucked them in, read "I Love You More than Rainbows," said our prayers, passed out "kissing hands" and we were off.  Being away from the kids is one of the hardest parts of this whole process.  The husband and I do treat the hospital stay as a mini vacay but nothing is the same without the chaos of the munchkins and their random hugs & kisses throughout the day.  They get me through any storm.

Now, I try to sleep.  Yea right.  Is that even possible?  I'll probably wake up repeatedly in cold sweats and the shakes.  I already have terrible pain from a kidney stone that decided to make a move at the worst possible time.  Yay me.  I keep reminding myself that I will get through this.  I have the good Lord holding one hand and my husband holding the other.  I will make it through.  I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.

Pray my friends.  Pray for peace, calm, healthy newborns, an uncomplicated surgery, quick (and relatively painless) recovery and for the transition home to be seamless.

I am going to bed tonight with three blessings.  I will go to bed tomorrow night with five.  God chose us to be a large family even though we didn't dream it.  Now, we get the privilege of discovering each day why He chose us.  I pray I never take His gift for granted.

Now.....will we ever name these kids?  Hmmm....